Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
