This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
