I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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