my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
