i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
