it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
