You're my little dorito
Apparently you make a good broom.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
