he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
