I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
