She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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