Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
