I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
