Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize