okay pat passed out under dana's car
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
