I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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