you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
