Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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