I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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