Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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