I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize