Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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