if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
