Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
