True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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