You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
