I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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