I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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