no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
