How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
