so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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