The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
