If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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