weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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