It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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