Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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