I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
