is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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