So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
