what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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