wrigley field is MILF paradise
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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