You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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