Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
