idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
