there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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