Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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