I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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