The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
