if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
as a side note pls kill me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
