i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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