OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
