i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize