Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
