she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
