he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize