I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
