I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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