my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We talked him into tasing himself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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