We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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