do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
PANTIES FOUND
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