Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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