2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just cropdusted the office
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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