I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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