Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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