I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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