Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
