somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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