I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
