I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
