3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
