I think I died a long time ago.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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