I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Text me some of your sweat
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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