from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
