Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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