He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
